We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
