And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
