I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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