Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
