I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
