You're so nebulous sometimes
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
