Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
