dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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