We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
