I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
