they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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