never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
