wanna go halves on a baby?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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