guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
