nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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