Fuck appropriateness.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
