you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
