I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize