was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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