Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
