I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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