I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
