i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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