you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
