new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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