This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
