I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
