Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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