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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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