I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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