I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
