we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
