He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Houston, we have a blender
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
