thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
