It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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