why didn't you poke me back
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
