The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
