ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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