I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
