this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize