I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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