i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
