we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
