I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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