In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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