Already got asked if we're dating
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
