Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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