I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize