Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
