hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
