I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It was confusing and full of hummus
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize