Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
