I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
