so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
