I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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