Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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