ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
