Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
