We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
