i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
