i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
