After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
