I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
