Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
