Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I need moral support for this bender
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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