"it" just moved
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize