Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
