i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
