And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize