Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So squirting runs in the family.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
