For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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