you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
