He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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