That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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