The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
