I want to stick my p in your. b.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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