Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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