she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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