his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
