There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
