she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
