Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
