and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
